Wednesday, 13 May 2009


Some of you who follow my food blogs and my Twitter stream will know that I have auditioned for BBC2's The Restaurant. My sister would be front of house and I would be the chef. 
Added to running The Underground Restaurant, this explains why I have posting less of late.
I'm not really a fame junkie. I'd like to be on the programme to maximise the possibility of getting paid for what I really want to do...write books, make films, about travel, food and new social movements. 
I've been put through some psychological testing this week. It's been really difficult. The psychologist is more like a barrister cross-examining you than any therapist. 
I've had some very tough times in the past. I've suffered from depression. I've had miscarriages, abortions, separations, rejections, lost dreams. I'm an adult. Most adults go through this stuff. I'm not an alcoholic or a drug addict. I once took Prozac for a few months after I lost a baby. I didn't like how it made me feel.
I've needed support so I sought therapy. Now, it seems, that seeking therapy through your doctor will be held against you. Beware.
The beeb shrink has requested my medical records. I asked for reassurance on confidentiality. He retorted "if you want privacy, you shouldn't apply for a TV programme".
But I have never seen anybodies private medical records up for public consumption in the press. Ever. 
I'm not signing up for being publicly humiliated. I just want to cook. Get better. Learn. Improve.
Getting very cold feet about this.
Perhaps I have more to lose than to gain. 
Thursday: Melissa the producer

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