Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Parent's evening

Tonight I have to go to the parent's evening at the school. My teen has given me strict instructions.
"What are you wearing?" She demands anxiously.
"Um, that black knitted dress I bought in Italy..." I reply
"Ok." Then "What shoes?"
I look down. I'm wearing comfortable black leather open toed sandals from M & S.
"NOT those" she says "something nice"
"Hair?" I continue, slightly sarcastically "Makeup?"
"Makeup. Wear some. But NOT lipstick" I am instructed.
"Then if you arrive early, do not speak to me"my teen commands "if you do see me, just do this..."
She juts her chin up in the air, a brief acknowledgement.
I splutter "So I'm supposed to act like I hardly know you?"
She continues "and DON'T talk to my friends. Don't ask them their names. Don't ask how they are. Don't tell them off for smoking or bunning"
"Bunning?"
Her eyes roll.
"You are sooo old. Bunning is smoking a joint. It comes from the word 'burning' said with a Jamaican accent" she explains patiently. "At the rond point(a small square outside the school), everybody is bunning. Even adults bun. You see them coming after work, sitting down on the wall and bunning up."
"That rond point seems to be the most popular meeting place in London" I remark archly.
"Yeah well our school is popular innit. Kids from other schools come to hang out, cos they finish earlier than us. Boys from local schools come to chat up girls"
It's the age old thing of boys trying to pull posh totty from the private schools.
"One boy, he's slept with like 50 girls from our school. But he is gorgeous, really buff"
('Buff' means good looking, readers. 'Butters' means ugly as in 'butt ugly')
She's not finished...
"When you are in the meeting with other parents, do not ask questions. I know you, you are always asking questions."
I look doubtful.
"Try to blend in mum" she says, softening a little.

15 comments:

  1. it sounds to me like most of the other young people (kids!) probably think you're the coolest mum, which is not always the way the progeny like it. I suspect you are someone who teaches your child to be themselves - practice what you preach!

    Best o'British!

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  2. Ha! 'Butters' is well old school, we used to use it at school and I'm ancient...

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  3. ML, ask her if you might as well stay at home! :-)

    Coincidentally (Our parenthood often runs parallel it seems) my kid wants a sleepover and wants to book it on a night when I'm not in so I won't show her up!

    So that's what "buff" means. We used to say "lush" when I was her age.

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  4. It all sounds SOOOO familiar....i'm sure i've had an almost identical talking to from my teenager...

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  5. Oh my god, I love your blog. Please never stop!!

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  6. Oh my god, I love your blog. Please never stop!!

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  7. Wear a disguise, the groucho glasses and moustache combo should do the business. I'm sure she'llnot even notice you're there ;)

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  8. Buff, to me it means nekkid! Like starkers, in the buff... but words evolve, so just as well you explained... and bunned up meant in the club, pregnant, bun in the oven, when I was a kid amyway... the times change and we change too....

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  9. Do you have to make me sound backwards? It's all wrong as well.

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  10. Hehe. I'd forgottone about 'bunnin'. I have a brother almost 10 years younger than me, and it was fascinating learning all this jargon when he hit his teens.

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  11. what kind of a punk anarchist has a daughter at private school ?

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  12. Oystercatcher....one who has a French daughter and needs her to learn French...
    If I had my way she wouldn't go to school at all!

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  13. Hahahahahhaahhaah my sister was like that exact minus the joint and smoking bit. At least shes honest about it and not i secret.

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  14. hi..im 18..n this teen here sounds like me in many ways!
    i did the same to my mom for parents evening...Never really thought how she feels thou!!
    thanks for letting me know how it sounds from the other side!

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