I knew she'd have a couple of mates over...but when I arrived home, she sighed and said
"I'm so tired"
"From all the tidying up..." She looks at me regretfully but continues bravely "they were really messy"
"Didn't your friends help you?"
"No. I had to clear up all the sick." She brightens "It was cool, we got three bottles of vodka for £15 down the road. They knew we were underage."
"Then my friend made out with one of the boys in the shed."
Internally I gulp.
"What exactly does 'making out' consist of?"I ask gingerly, imagining phone calls from the parents...my daughter lost her virginity in your shed...
She groans "Well first you have snogging, then making out, then fingering, then blowjob, then full sex, then licking out."
We've always been quite open about sex but even I was a bit taken aback by this hierarchy of sex territory gained. I'm also interested that fellatio is higher up the scale than cunnilingus.
"So making out is restricted to kissing and tits?" I pry, drawing an imaginary triangle between my mouth and breast area.
My teen rolls her eyes.
"Is this over the bra or under the bra?"
Now she's looking annoyed "Oh for god's sake mum... "
She won't tell me how 'far' she has gone but I don't think it's beyond the 'making out' stage.
But I feel uncomfortable at the idea of some spotty lank haired youth getting a grope of my baby daughter's intimate parts. It doesn't seem right somehow. Them getting that for free. I briefly wish I lived in a culture when I could lock her up in a tower, cover her in a veil and charge a king's ransom for the privilege of marrying her. I also start to feel unaccountably angry, I'm not even sure why. When I lost my virginity, quite late actually, I was almost 18, my mum and dad were horrible to me, calling me a 'slut' for weeks. I now understand that impulse. Your children having sex, even if it's just kissing or petting, feels like a betrayal, almost infidelity. It's like they are no longer your children. There is a raw feeling that they have been besmirched.
I guess you get used to it.
This was a warm up for the real party she is going to have in a couple of weeks.